


The Dark Disciple As Reported By Krynn's Most Reliable News Source

by allonsytotumblr



Series: The Rabbit Reports [4]
Category: Dragonlance - Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 15:25:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11785989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsytotumblr/pseuds/allonsytotumblr
Summary: The Rabbit reports of the series after The War of Souls





	The Dark Disciple As Reported By Krynn's Most Reliable News Source

The gods have returned to Krynn and are continuing to screw things up. This time, Chemosh, god of death, who has reinvented himself as a sort of sexy Phantom of the Opera-esque figure, is trying to take over the world with Mina, the young woman who previously attempted to take over the entire world for Takhisis. Now Mina is attempting to claim the world for Chemosh, using magical a vampire STD. After seducing a person, she bites the victim, making them a zombie, but a really hot zombie, that can go seduce other people.

"You can't make this stuff up," said Rhys Mason, a former monk of Majer, who left his monastery after his zombie brother killed the entire monastery. Mason says he wanted to herd sheep all day, not fight a magical zombie STD with the help of Zeboim, a sea goddess, and according to Mason, 'a textbook undiagnosed bipolar case.' Madness seems to run in Mason's group, as he is also accompanied by a kender, Nightshade, claiming that he can talk to the dead. So far the group has successfully rescued Zeboim's son, Lord Arikas's soul from Lord Soth knock off, Lord Krel, who has Arikas's body shrunken to a khas piece. "It was weird as hell," recalled Nightshade.

More interestingly, Mina and Chemosh seem to be embroiled in a passionate affair. This information comes to us via Nunitari, god of black magic. It seems he has a bit of a fetish and enjoys watching mortals having sex. While spying on various couples, he happened upon Mina and Chemosh. "HOLY [CENSORED]. It was [censored] horrifying. I don't even know how old that girl is. Is this relationship even legal?"

Unfortunately, everyone's favorite dark wizard seems to have bailed on Krynn for good. Raistlin Is God, still going strong, issued a statement that they would love if Raistlin would come back and save us all. The statement also included what various members of the group would enjoy doing with Raistlin, from marriage, to graphically described sex acts.

While Mina and Chemosh were not having possibly illegal sex, they searched for lost artifacts of Chemosh tat had disappeared after the cataclysm. The last we heard from them, they went underwater, Mina was captured by fishermen, lifted to the surface, and drowned as an unfortunate side effect of Chemosh's scuba magic. Chemosh is desperate to reach her soul. When informed that he is the god of the dead, he responded, "I [censored] know that but i just can't reach her. It's like erectile disfunction. Soul ED." He then wandered away in a depressed manner.

Takhisis, who, as readers recall, was finally killed in the end of the War of Souls, after being turned mortal by Paladine, commented, yelling from the Abyss,"Why is she having sex with Death? That's nasty."


End file.
